Self-Smoothieing

Ugh :( I've been somewhat dreading this day since the middle of June. Why? Because my absolutely wonderful mother, D, had to return to work. She is a 2nd grade teacher, and although I love volunteering in her classroom, I despise not having her all to my self. (How pathetic does that sound?)


Earlier, as I was doing my light spin at watching Wild China (how I start most days: gentle ride on stationary bike + a nature documentary or similar) I began to panic a little bit... What am I going to do without D?! She's going to be in meetings all day! I can't call her when I get sad or lonely, or need a distraction! I can't beg her to send me pictures of Penny! What am I gonna do?!


I decided to make my smoothie, that's what I'd do. With my years of disordered eating, training myself to eat breaking- rather than downing several cups of sugar free sweetner-ladened coffee every morning and throughout the day- has been nothing short of a miracle for me. Really a big deal :)

Banana-Berry-Chocolate Protein-Greek Yogurt Goodness!!

And for some reason, the mere thought of my smoothie, began to make me feel better. I can be okay with out her today; I may not like it, but I can do it. Maybe I'll even enjoy today; I plan on cleaning (which I questioned Vuni last week "Is it weird that cleaning gives me a natural high? It just leaves me feeling so complete!") and drawing... two things I enjoy doing, and should be able to do them alone without freaking out. 


I actually feel pretty damn embarrassed writing this post... it truly does make me seem like a nervous, dependent, possibly crazy little weirdo. Perhaps I am. But I promised myself I'd be honest in this blog; if I sugar-coat things, what help am I doing anyone? Why lie to myself? Why miss the cathartic chance to just let it all out, with the potential that someone will read this and realize that hey, I feel like that too ? So if you're lonely, anxious, and missing someone right now... it's okay. You'll be all right. I'll be alright. We'll all be good <3 Go make yourself a smoothie, come to terms with your thoughts (if that means writing like I am, go for it!), and then 

I may not be able to help the fact that the anxiety attacks me... but it also doesn't mean that I have to let it consume me today. I realize the thoughts are there, but I'm going to keep calm and carry on... and no better way (in my opinion) to start that process than self-smoothieing. Yum <3