Communication: So Easy Said, So Difficult Done

So, I just graduated with a degree in Mass Communications. My emphasis area was electronic/new media. I know a lot about it; but it doesn't take a degree in MaCom to know that the world is rapidly becoming more and more connected through technology and social media.


When I was hanging out with my mom's 2nd grade class the other day, I showed them a video of my parents' little dog, Penny, thru my iPod by sticking it under my mom's document camera (thank you, technology). The kids squealed with excitement, and several exclaimed, "Em, you need to put that video on YouTube!!" What??? These are 2nd graders, people! Seven and 8 year olds! I don't know why this mildly surprised me; I know tweens who have nicer phones than I do. It's easier than ever to connect with people from all over the world, to express yourself, to share your talents and become a star, all thanks to technology and social media.


That being said... I almost feel like true communication has gone downhill. Emails and Facebook messages take the place of snail mail, blogs take the place of journals and scrapbooks, and iChat and Twitter take the place of face-to-face conversations. 


I'm not trying to completely blame social media, or even say that it's a bad thing... I just don't think it should take the place of honest, open, real conversations.


Because it was a lack of communication that caused the fight Vuni and I got in. While I don't attribute our fight directly to too much social media and such, I have noticed that a lot gets lost in translation because we send each other texts or emails, that come across in much different tones than what we sent them in. 


Anyways, I'll get on to the main point: we did kiss and make up, but it wasn't easy.


I will spare the gory details of our conversation, but give you the gist of what happened. It started by me saying, "So... are you going to talk to me? Because I am the one who always does all of the talking. It's your turn." To my surprise, he said, "I know... I read your blog." What? Shock! I feel bad for not having faith in him, but he had never said anything about it; I assumed that after I first told him about my blog, maybe he'd check it out quickly to humor me, not actually read anything. Anyways, at first, it was, as I expected, like pulling teeth. I'd talked about how hard it is for Vuni to communicate when it comes to very serious issues and emotions in my previous post, so I was not expecting it to be easy.


But what I learned, more than anything, is just how crucial communication is, in any relationship. I've always felt like he and I have had relatively good communication skills; we rarely argue, and when we do, we're the "never go to bed angry" people (well... usually). I am very blessed in the fact that Vuni has even been eager to attend therapy secessions in the past, something I know that is very difficult for many men. I wasn't anticipating that, the deeper you get into a relationship, just how much harder you need to work and how much more effort needs to be put into honest communication. I was somewhat naive, but I assumed that because we've been together so long, love would work things out for us... when the reality is, you have to work to make love work.


My therapist has told us that relationships are like a Venn Diagram

The relationship is compromised of two unique individuals, who come together as a couple (the middle part). Hence, two people with dreams, goals, ideas, morals, ect. Sometimes they share these things, sometimes they don't; the couples that work are the ones who know how to communicate, and are able to work through their differences (which can mean a lot of different things).


The problem is, I haven't been getting the whole picture of Vuni. I do not completely blame him; I understand that he was not raised to express his feelings or have deep discussions, but rather to look the other way. So I realize that the communication factor is difficult for him; but I honestly believe that, during our conversation last night, he realized, like myself, just how important that honesty is.


Because I don't know what he's thinking; I don't know, so I assume. And I was assuming a lot of things wrong. Not only that, but he was able to explain things to me, such as why he is hesitant to get married. Had I known his reason, I wouldn't have felt so hurt or worried that I was "not enough."


After last night, I am aware of so much more. I'm not unappreciated; I am loved immensely by an absolutely wonderful man. We just have things we need to work through, things we need to do, before we can keep moving forward together in life. I feel confident now, though, that as long as we're doing what we need to, and as long as we stay honest with each other, love will find a way.

LoveLoveLove