Taking The Bad With The Good

Last weekend Vuni and I went on a short little trip; his ska band had an out-of-town gig that was a 6 hour drive away.


I don't know what's wrong with me, but for as long as I can remember, I have never truly been able to just relax on vacations and getaways, no matter how small they are. I feel riddled with guilt, for some reason; I worry about the kitties back home (I'm lucky enough to say that I've always had a cat in my life ;), but I also worry a lot about money... even if I know that certain money has been saved up/set aside for the trip! Ridiculous.


Anyway, we left town at about 12:30 last Saturday, with the guitarist, drummer, and a bunch of gear in tow. I was determined to learn how to crochet on this little trip. I sat in the passenger's seat with a crochet hook, a tiny pair of scissors, some yarn, a "Crochet for Beginners" book, and Vuni's iPhone so I could watch YouTube how-tos. About an hour before we hit our destination and with aching fingers, I more or less had the gist of it... but I also had to take many photo breaks:

Between crocheting and the breathtaking scenery, it did NOT feel like a 6 hour drive.


We arrived plenty early, so we secured a parking spot at the bar the band's gig was at, then walked downtown to find a place to eat. I wasn't too keen on this. Anyone with an eating disorder can confirm that vacations really agitate the ED... especially if you're really routine driven. Major step out of the comfort zone. But also... I really, really don't like going out to eat as it is. I just feel guilty. 


I would've been content, in all honesty, going to McDonalds. (I love the Southwest Salads, sans chicken and dressing, yum yum!) We instead ending up at a fancy and expensive Italian restaurant... where I ironically ordered a flipping $8 Greek salad. After we left there, we wandered by an Indian cuisine restaurant, and I excitedly exclaimed, "Oh! Too bad we didn't see this place first!"


To which Vuni said, "Why? So you could get a salad at an Indian restaurant?"


This stung a little. I wasn't mad at Vuni, because, well, he spoke the truth. But it reminded me of the reasons why I don't like going out to eat in the first place: 


1.) I'm terrified of ordering anything other than a salad. ED aside, and I'd probably still be too afraid to get anything besides a salad. I like that everything is fresh and uncooked, and I can easily and clearly see everything, unlike a casserole or something... mostly because I've been a vegetarian for a good majority of my life, and I'm paranoid about my food being cooked/prepared with any meat or meat products. 


2.) The fact that I do always get a salad... and when we go to a nice restaurant, it usually is an $8+ meal. For freaking vegetables, sometimes some cheese and/or nuts, and a little dressing. Fuck I feel guilty...


Anyway, we headed back to the bar. Due to a bunch of bullshit band drama caused by ONE band member (mostly stemming from his under [drinking] age girlfriend), they got started an hour behind schedule. This wasn't cool to Vuni and I, who had another 2-2.5 hour drive ahead of us after the show (Vuni wanted to play in a poker tournament the next morning in a town that was 4 hour drive away, so we booked our hotel a city in between).


As I said in my previous post, I was being tortured by the urge to drink. It was a big bar, packed with people, and I felt super lame because this was a 21-and-over show, so I was probably the only person in the crowd not drinking. 


Then, some freaking creep came and stood next to me. I edged away from him, but he moved closer and started talking to me; I could immediately tell he was pretty damn tipsy. He said something like, "Don't move, I wanted to come watch them with you," I gave him a quick half smile but didn't say anything. He tried talking some more, but I could hear him too well because the music was so loud. Finally I heard him ask if I knew the band, to which I proudly said, "yes, the bass player is my boyfriend." He didn't seem to like that- at all. His friendly demeanor changed to sullen, and he went quiet for a few minutes. 


I tried edging away some more, but I really didn't want to move; I was right at the side of the stage, Vuni and I could easily make eye contact, I was close to the door and bouncer, and had easy access to the restrooms. A prime spot to plant myself. The creep kept edging closer to me though. 


I'm not good at dealing with over-friendly, space bubble invading, drunk weirdos. Never have been. This guy was really creeping me out, too. He keep trying to talk to me, and then, started touching me. Putting his arm around me and touching me on the shoulder. I was getting really freaked out, and wanted to escape... but I also didn't want him following me, and I was too chicken to grab the bouncer's attention. I was able to seize my chance when he turned back to the bar to order another beer; I acted like I was heading to the bathroom, then I ducked down behind a crowd of people, and snuck out the door. I moved as fast as I could, went around the side of the bar, and waited a few minutes (with my thumb over the panic button on the car opener) to make sure I wasn't followed. Then I locked myself in the van, and waited until Vuni was finished. Needless to say, he was a little angry about my admirer. I was just creeped out, and happy to be away from him.


Vuni and I departed for our hotel, sans drummer and guitarist (they were staying there, and had other riding arrangements). We figured we'd arrive at our hotel sometime between 1:30-2 am.


We passed through several tunnels on the way there. Funny, we both held our breaths (yes, at ages 24 and 25) to make wishes at the end...

On this drive through the pitch black, listening and singing along to Weird Al (we've been on a major Weird Al kick since seeing him in concert not too long ago), and just enjoying one another's company, I fell in love with Vuni all over again. 


I think maybe that's one of the important things about relationships not being perfect. Vuni and I have lived together for just over a year, and it's been our most difficult (out of 5) yet... but nights like the night of this drive make all of the hardships so worth it. I'm reminded of why we're in love; it's the reward a million times over for making it through the rough times. When we first started dating, and I had admitted to him all of the shit I'd been through and that I still had a long road ahead of me, he told me, "I'll be here for you, sitting in your passenger's seat." I don't mean to sound all sappy, but really, despite all of the crap I've dealt with, and how fucked up many other areas of my life are right now... I have Vuni. I love him SO much, it's unreal. Like, how is it possible to love someone so much that you can't describe it in any measurable quantity? 


And since I'm being sickeningly romantic... I'll throw in a Twilight reference, and say that that drive, that night, had to go on my list of top favorite nights of my life. My heart was just overflowing with exhilarating, overwhelming love for this boy <3 It made dealing with the feelings of wanting to drink and dealing with that idiot at the bar SO worth it... plus there was the anticipation of locking ourselves in our hotel room :D


We arrived at our hotel shortly before 2 am. I swear I live for the loving, sexy, pre-sleep cuddle sessions with Vuni :D Our hotel was amazing, BTW:

To the North... 

To the South

We got ready, got coffee and gas-ola, and headed to the casino for Vuni's tournament. While he was playing, I was working on my crochet, and lo and behold... one of the dealers (I think that's what she was?) helped me out! She corrected my mistakes and answered my concerns... so I can OFFICIALLY say that I know how to crochet now :D

It's amazing all that happened on this short little weekend getaway. It's a reminder that, anxiety disorder or sane (me... and Vuni ;), you have to learn to take the good with the bad; but that being said... "the good" (ahem... GREAT/AMAZING/AWESOME/SPECTACULAR/WONDERFUL) makes the bad all the worthwhile <3

Weekend Escape, Lil Anxiety Girl Edition

Oookay, I'm finally getting to the post on our mini vaycay/weekend getaway. It was a little road trip; Vuni's ska band had several pretty far out-of-town shows, a tiny tour, if you will ;) 


I should start by explaining that I have a very strange relationship with car travel. Prior to getting my drivers license almost 9 years ago now (wow... has it really been THAT long?), I had no issue with riding in a car. I spent the first 8 years of my life in California, so I was use to traffic and road chaos. I became a little more sensitive after I started driving, but things took a definite turn for the worse two years later. I was in a horrible car accident (some elderly dumbass ran a stop sign), and have not been the same since. I must be a bad luck charm, because I have been in 3 other accidents since (not the driver for any of those). Each time, my anxiety when traveling by car has gotten worse and worse. It is not the actual driving that scares me; it's the other drivers. I love driving and being a passenger when no one else is around... but when traffic is hectic, and people and riding on each other's asses and being uncourteous... I get as scared as shit. I've had multiple panic attacks, and often end up extremely car sick.


I knew we were going to be on the road a lot this past weekend; we had a 12 hour round-trip over the course of 3 days, 6 of those hours being on the first day. Add the fact that we brought another passenger (Vuni's bestie, Lee) and a ton of gear... AND the majority of the drive was thru the mountains. I was excited about the mountain views... but nervous as heck about the actual drive. Needless to say, Vuni bought me some motion-sickness meds before we left.


The good weekend actually started early in the morning: breakfast at Village Inn with my darling friend AJ. He's a MaCom nerd like myself. Six years my junior, I absolutely adore this guy like a little brother. Seriously, I want to adopt him. It was great getting to catch up and chat; I feel like he is one of the rare people who "gets" me ;)


After that, Vuni and I said goodbye to our kitty girls, packed up the car, and headed over to my parents'. They hooked us up with a cooler for our foods and the Garmin to help us navigate; I gave them the keys to our house so they could  babysit their grandkitties ;) We picked up Lee, and headed on our way.


Right before we entered the mountains, I popped some of those motion sickness pills. I love, love driving through mountains and the stunning views... but it can also be pretty scary. So, I take precautions. To my immense shock, after about half an hour, I could NOT stay awake. I dozed off, and when I woke up, we were on the summit of some mountain, stopping at a restaurant/store to stretch our legs and use the toilets ;) When we got back into the car, I zonked out again immediately! When I finally woke up, we only had about an hour and a half of our trip left... kinda sad I missed out on the scenery, but happy that my cat nap passed a good chunk of time and saved me some serious anxiety.


After a slight mishap with the GPS (note to self- ask Vuni for destination address before we are within a 3- mile radius of destination, GPS needs time to adjust) we arrived at our splendid hotel right as the sun began to set. Thanks to Vuni's parents! However... we also happened to discover that they were in the room right next to us... and there was a connecting door. Err... hmm, no Vuni and Em Party in the Hotel Room ;)


While Vuni and Lee headed off to the venue to take of band necessities, I stayed at the hotel, showered, and prettied myself up for the evening.

View from our room, taken the following morning. Rain was a pleasant surprise!

Vuni came back a little while later, and he and I headed out, walking to the venue which was only about 5 or 6 blocks from our hotel. We met up with Lee, and decided it was time to get a bite to eat. I was looking forward to veggies and maybe soup at the sushi place that was right across from the venue... but it had a line out the door, and we only had an hour :(

This is where things start to get tricky for me. Vuni and Lee decided they wanted to eat at this brewery. I do not like brewers; for several reasons:

1. they remind me of The Ex
2. most are not vegetarian friendly, and have a highly meat-concentrated menu
3. the beer

In all honesty, I don't exactly like going out to eat (can you say weirdo?). I'm skeptical. I've had several bad experiences with meat in my food, and in general... I don't like the idea of other people handling my food. I almost always just order a salad wherever I go, because I like that it's uncooked, fresh, and I can see everything. 

Also, Mike and Lee decided to order a pitcher of beer. I wasn't expecting them to not drink, just because of me, but it was still difficult; I use to love unique brewery beers, and the anticipation of facing a bar at the venue? It made me unsettled. But I've learned that, despite my discomfort, I cannot be selfish. I cannot rain on others' parades, just because alcohol and I have a bad relationship. It's my problem, nobody else's; so that is what I kept telling myself.

However, I was a little annoyed and slightly hurt when, shortly after, we got to the venue and Vuni cashed in his two band drink tickets, getting another beer and a coke and rum. It just bums me out a little bit that he, like myself, "needs" the alcohol to loosen him up and "give a better stage presence." Despite being a musician, Vuni's pretty shy and quiet, and actually gets a decent amount of stage fright. I can understand why he drinks before shows, but I don't like it.

Ugh! But then... everyone was drinking. I'm not positive, but I'm assuming even Vuni's parents had rum in their Cokes. The only people who weren't, obviously, were those under age... but as the majority of the crowd was of age... it seemed like the whole audience had a drink in their hand.  For the first couple of songs, I sat a distance back, with Vuni's parents. I was sad, and anxious; but then it dawned on me- I needed my love bubble. So I picked up bag, and iPod in hand, I headed down to the floor, and positioned myself at the edge of the stage, right in front of Vuni. 

He noticed me there, almost immediately, and flashed me his adorable smile. I felt the butterflies erupt in my stomach. A rush of adrenaline. Giddy like a school girl. I feel faint. It stirred memories of the first time I ever set eyes on him, the first time he flashed me that smile. The love bubble surrounded me in full force. I was going to be okay. 

My angel... my shining star.

As the energetic crowd danced wildly around me, I continued to watch and to listen to my boy; I was absorbed in him. Yes, people, he is smiling at me. I thought smugly. Heck yeah, I am that hella awesome bass player's girlfriend. Now, I did not want alcohol. I was drunk on the insanely awesome music coming out of his bass amp; I was high on those smiles. Seeing the drunks around me, I thought, Ha! You may be drinking, but I have something so much better. I didn't need to drink; all I needed was in that gorgeous bass player smiling down at me.

As soon as they finished, I seized my opportunity (somebody broke a glass, and the guy guarding the door to backstage went to help clean it up) and rushed backstage. I had to have him in my arms, ASAP. Being squeezed into a bear hug and covered in his kisses made sobriety so worth it :)

The rest of that night consisted of walking back to the hotel, bringing the car back and loading up gear, chatting with Vuni's parents for a bit, and finally arriving at our hotel for the night, where we cuddled and watched TV before passing out. The next morning, we headed downstairs to a magnificent breakfast buffet. I was a little nervous about breaking my daily routine of a breakfast smoothie for the 2nd day in a row, but I pushed those feelings aside (I was STARVING) and made myself a wonderful parfait out of some yogurt and fresh fruit. Vuni, aka Black Hole Stomach, had a bagel with cream cheese and a plate loaded with sausage and fried potatoes. Vuni found Rambo on TV; while he lounged around for a bit, I went down to the fitness room and hopped on the elliptical for a bit (where I also watched Rambo). Then, we got ready, and headed to Lee's hotel to scoop him up and head off to the next city.

Into the gloom :)

I absolutely love rain, but I was not prepared for a rainy weekend; since it's been so dang hot recently (my very LEAST favorite type of weather), I was expecting dry, hot, and sunny. It rained for the majority of our nearly 4 hour drive. Even worse, we were driving on a major pass through the mountains; it was quite terrifying. We were going the speed limit (in the rain!) and yet huge semi trucks flew past us. Talk about a suicide mission...

shortly before we stopped for lunch

We stopped at a Wendy's in a small mountain town for lunch. Who's had their Apple Pecan salad? OMG... heaven. Apples, cranberries, blue cheese, pecans & spring mix = Em's heaven. 

We were thrown off course a bit when Vuni decided to be stubborn and not listen to the Garmin ;) More than twenty miles before the exit that it was telling us to take, we saw a sign telling us it was the exit to our destination. Vuni wasn't trusting the GPS, so he asked Lee to look up directions on his iPhone. After a minute, Lee said, "Dude, I think you needed to take that exit..." So we found an exit, whipped around, and took the exit... though I was puzzled, but did not want to turn the GPS back on, since it was low on battery life. The road we took was clearly a treacherous one; I wouldn't be surprised if part of it is closed in the winter. It was a winding, two-lane pass. The only thing I could do was hang on and trust Vuni's driving, because I was damn scared. When we finally got to our destination, I realized our mistake: had we listened to the GPS, we probably would have been there in half an hour. Instead, it had taken us over an hour. But, we arrived safely, and can't say that it wasn't an adventure ;)

Our hotel was a little old and rundown, but cozy (it smelled really good too, like apples and cinnamon). Oh, and check out the view looking out our room window:

We honestly did not expect it to be so cold! I loved the weather, but again... I had brought clothes for the heat, not 52 degrees.

Vuni and I went to this quaint little Italian restaurant for dinner that night. I'm beating myself up for not taking pictures; it was super cute, decorated like a little garden. After dinner, Vuni bought my freezing self a cup of hot chocolate, before I dropped him off at the saloon (yeah, seriously). I decided to just stay at the hotel for the show; I was freezing, not up for dealing with a saloon environment, not wanting to endure another night of drunks, and desperately wanting to finish reading a book I was absorbed in. Shortly after midnight, Vuni text me to say they were done, so with the hotel being less than a mile away, I was there with a warmed car in no time. Once back at the hotel, we cuddled until we fell asleep. 

The next morning, I got up, showered, and went downstairs for some coffee. I couldn't resist taking a picture:

Once Vuni was up, we packed our stuff and checked out, off in search for some breakfast and more coffee. It was still pretty early (about 9:30) when we left, and as we made our way to the car, I stopped in my tracks at the breathtaking views:

Are these views not stunning? The pictures don't do the real thing justice, but at least I have them to supplement my memory :) 

We found a neat coffee shop that was an obvious hang-out for wannabe hippies. You know, the wealthy people who wear there Tevas and Keens, tie dyed shirts under a NorthFace windbreaker and loose pants or skirts, long hair, cloth stoner bags, and drive shiny new Subarus covered in "save the earth" and "coexist" bumper stickers? Hehe, yup, them ;) 

We found out that Lee had gone home with some of the other band members after the show (yeah, after midnight, with a 3 hour drive) so we headed out. I was in charge of navigation this time, and I did darn well. Although I never minded Lee's company, it was pleasant being just with Vuni. He really is the bestest friend I ever could have asked for. (Why does just "best" not sound right there?)

We arrived home safe in the early afternoon. Well, we were safe. We found the littler of our two kitty girls trapped in a drawer... how she squeezed her pudgy little kitty butt in there is a mystery to us. Other than that, all was well; we had a lovely little getaway, but were happy to be back in our cozy home.